There is a video (embedded below) that presents individuals who were Orthodox and broke free. It is touching to see individuals so tightly regulated and oppressed choosing freedom and a brighter future.
The video has been posted on a number of blogs today, including Frum Satire and Failed Messiah. I greatly enjoyed the reaction of many commenters*. Too often, the response to an otherwise-excellent Unpious article or Better Know A Kofer entry is a visceral angry reaction by commenters. "How could you go OTD? Two thousand years of tradition!" blah blah blah. The commenters are nearly blind to the fact that life in ultra-OJ environments is usually very harsh and restrictive. Those who leave may not be chasing cheeseburgers and never-ending sex. Instead, they may simply want a better life; a proper education, a legitimate, honourable source of income, an Internet connection, or (horrors) a TV. Although these are possible within a Jewish framework, these folks have so often been told that anything less extreme than their Amish lifestyle is treif. They can hardly be blamed for making what is seen by some as an unnecessary decision.
This video can help those in the Orthodox community to begin to see the culprits less as those who left and more those who are responsible for perpetuating such an unearthly lifestyle (I'm looking at you, Lakewood and Agudah). OJ's love to blame the victim and attack those who have left for making what they see as an irresponsible decision. They ignore the reality that these persons have endured a lot of anguish and misery merely by being raised in an intolerant, arrogant community that prefers to live in the 1300's. This video shocks them out of their lethargy by showing seemingly well-adjusted, happy individuals in their repressive earlier lives and then even happier and more well-adjusted in their emancipated second lives. It's hard to continue stereotyping and cruelly envisioning expats as deranged, sadistic freaks when their smiling countenances stare you in the face. The reality becomes hard to ignore that Orthodoxy better modernize - or risk even more of their brightest and best wisely choosing to have nothing at all to do with it.
Don't get with the times because it's the right thing to do. Do so because it'll keep your kids on the derech.
*particularly the comments by Ilanit and Ken.
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It truly is an epic video.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering when that song was going to be equated with OTDness.
Why couldn't orthodoxy just let the girl play with a freaken dolphin. XD
ReplyDeleteThank you for your lack of hostility, I think.
ReplyDeleteMy real sadness comes from the fact that there are so many who are told to stay religious only because of an ancient tradition. What a terrible reason, and what a heartbreakingly foolish thing to say.
And I worry, sometimes, that the only reason its so often said is because its the only justification the parent or authority figure can communicate.
Maybe its the only one he or she knows, but usually its just a lack of concrete "reasons" in the usual sense, or a frustration paired with insufficient articulation.
Everyone has the right to make their own choices, and I would never deny them that.
However, it is unfair to offer incomplete and unknown Judaism to our children, and be furious when they fail to find fulfillment.
It happens to be more widespread of an issue in the very stringent and insular communities in which many of the young adults in the video have been raised, but it is common enough in all sectors of Judaism.
Tradition is a reason I keep a custom, the reason I avoid gebrokts on Pesach and indulge in dairy on shavuous. What 2000 years is not, though, is a reason to commit your life and soul to a vast belief.
But there are reasons. If one should choose to reject them, that lies within their own free choice.
But they must be aware of the reasons and undercurrents of Judaism for their test to be a just one.
And that is what we must seek to accomplish.
(I don't read this blog very often, or at all, but I stumbled upon it and I so very dearly wanted to express this thought. Thank you for reading.)
I would add that the charedim (in general) are not goires the modern orthodox as legit. this is a huge problem, becasue then the charedi who cant take the lifestyle just goes completely off!
ReplyDeleteI fthe would articulate that there are many different ways to practice authentic rabbinic halachic judaism including modern orthodoxy, and that going to YU is option, etc. etc. then they wouldnt have such issues (in my view) and, on top of that, we would all get along so much better.
stupid turf, tribal wars
ksil
Sorryis original. if you think your introduction to this video is originalits. Really awfully typical. That's what the the hellenists, maskilim, reformers, and many others said. Modernize judaism. Those peaple thought they're smart. They'll just ignore the fact that they're jewish, live a good educated life and be free of those "harsh restrictions. Well guess where they ended up? The most brilliant, educated, and asimilated jewish doctors ended up in the same cattle cars as the religious jews they despised. One day when you guys will least expect it, some guy in the street will yell "jew" and you'll know that when you forget your judaism god reminds you about it.
ReplyDeletegod reminds you about it.
ReplyDeleteLovely god youngot there!
Ksil
>> One day when you guys will least expect it, some guy in the street will yell "jew" and you'll know that when you forget your judaism god reminds you about it.
ReplyDeleteYou can still identify as a jew and live in freedom.
Notice that people from the vid who left orthodoxy aren't just the miserable ones but also the happy ones who feel that life should be ENJOYED.
Orthodoxy didn't do a good enough job teaching them their view that life = suffering. XD
Once I mentioned the word fun to this religious kid and he's like FUN O.O Whaaaaa?? You think life is just about having FUUUN? O.O O.o O.o'''
Fuckin asshole.
Of course it's not just about fun but people need FUN and not just structure.
Some of my own recent OTD style posts.
ReplyDeletehttp://thoughtsofasj.blogspot.com/2011/07/christianitys-keyword-is-salvation-and.html
http://thoughtsofasj.blogspot.com/2011/07/jewish-maturity-is-fraud.html
Hey I'm the one who wrote about god reminding you about your judaism. Anyway its really sad that you guys think its impossible to have fun when your religious. I'm really religious and really really enjoying life. I don't have to worry about things like my husband liking some girl better than me and stuff like that. Its common knowladge that american soceity is down the drain. I don't feel restricted. I feel valued as a women and free to be who I am. And I'm having loads of fun hanging out with friends and taking trips with my husband. God wants us to enjoy the world he created and to be happy!
ReplyDelete"I don't have to worry about things like my husband liking some girl better than me"
ReplyDeletedont be naive, sweetheart
"I feel valued as a women and free to be who I am."
your an orthodox jewish women? maybe modern orthodox...maybe
ksil
No I am not naïve. I'm aware of where this world is unfortenately up to. But dtill being religious definitely gives me an advantage when it comes to my husband remaining faithfull. I mean really religious and not faking it. No not modern orthodox. Chassidish. And yes I feel valued as a women. I'm not valued for my body and for my looks. I'm valued as a person. And that's because I'm not out there in the dirty secular world. I'm not sheltered. I know what's goin on there. And that's why I'm gratefull that I'm protected.
ReplyDeletezehava,
ReplyDeletewhy do you cover yourself up?
when your husband goes into manhattan and sees other women dressed differently, what do you think goes through his mind?
are you allowed to go to college and get degree?
are you allowed to read and learn about secular things?
are you allowed to peruse the internet?
is your husbnad allowed to do any of these things?
will you allow your children to choose this lifestyle? or will you force them to be chisidish?
do you know any modern orthodox jews? do you know any non-frum jews? are friends with any non-jewish people?
have you travelled to other countries? (not just israel and belgium)
ksil
I cover myself up so when other men see me in the street they won't have any thoughts about me. My husband doesn't get excited when he sees women in mannhatten becouse there are times when he can see me uncovered in the privacy of our home. I'm allowed to go to. College but I don't want to because I'd had over enough education in school. I'm allowed to use the internet obviously if I'm posting on this blog. I have friends who aren't religious. I am raising my children with torah values but from a certain age it will be their choice to make. I hope they will choose right. I haven't yet been to other countries since I'm not married that long but my husband is planning to take me around the world. Any other questions?
ReplyDeleteMy latest OTD style post.
ReplyDeletesorry about this blatant self promotion but please check out my blog. I just started I guess it's not a new concept anymore but it's just about being undercover OTD in yeshiva
ReplyDeleteI know you mentioned that the people in the video were smiling. Firstly, they weren't all smiling. And secondly, many were smiling in the "before" picture also. Everyone has good and bad days. And people generally smile in pictures.
ReplyDeleteI do find it interesting that more than one of the "before" pictures was of a married person or even likely at that person's wedding. Did they really leave b/c of the oppressiveness of the community? Maybe it was b/c they got divorced and blamed G-d?